Ren wrote this story in 2015 for the News Wrecker, a satirical newspaper printed and distributed on Amelia Island, Florida. It never made print, but was shared widely online.

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Last weekend a group of indigenous Timucua were discovered by a park ranger at Fort Clinch State Park. Thought to be an extinct people, these Timucua managed to avoid modern American and European diseases by living quietly and safely within the confines of the forest and having no contact with the outside world. Three generations of approximately thirty Timucua are thought to be living in the park, in a small village constructed of forest materials.

“It’s absolutely fascinating that these people could have lived here for so many generations without anyone knowing,” says Frank Ofeldt, Fort Clinch’s historian, and the person who discovered the clan. Apparently Ofeldt was shutting down the fort for the evening when he heard a ruckus coming from deep within the park boundaries, which sounded like clapping and cheering. Olfeldt made his way through the forest and found a group of partially clad, very tall individuals, playing a game which he identified as “chunkey,” a Timucua game where individuals throw balls at a goal post. “I’ve read about chunkey,” said Olfeldt. “But I never thought I would see a group of indigenous people actually playing the game. It’s a dream of a lifetime for me.”

The Timucua were able to speak some English, learning words they heard from park visitors and staff over the years. “Some of the phrases they said to me were, ‘hey, you think we should make a beer run?’ and ‘come over here so I can put some more sunscreen on you.’ I was bowled over!” exclaimed Ofeldt. “The women in the clan had planted a garden with maize, beans, and squash, without the aid of modern fertilizers. Talk about your heirloom vegetables!”

Scientists and anthropologists from all over the world are gathering at Fort Clinch this week, to get a glimpse of the ancient clan, and figure out where to go from here. “Certainly we encourage the Timucua to continue to live in their village here at Fort Clinch,” states Ofeldt. “They will add a great deal of interest to our park programs, and we are fortunate to have them here. Of course, they will be required to pay the daily park fee, which is $6 per carload, or $2 for pedestrians, which I guess is what they are.”

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Dozens of people, who knew Karen and/or Frank Ofeldt, read the article as straight-up journalism and believed every word. Many responded to Karen with amazement that this tribe could have survived so long undetected on the island. She had a pretty good giggle when she informed them of their error. The Timucua were the dominant indigenous people in northern Florida from about 1100 AD until European contact. They are now extinct, but there is an actual Timucuan Ecological and Historical Preserve 20 miles south of Fernandina Beach with active archeological digs.